For Mid-Level Managers: Department Heads, Team Leads, and Supervisors who manage people and operations
Why Confrontation Feels Risky for Team Leaders
If you are a manager, you have likely faced situations where confrontation was unavoidable.
A team member repeatedly misses deadlines, a high-performing employee has a toxic attitude, or a colleague keeps pushing their workload onto your team.
You know the issue needs to be addressed, yet the thought of confronting someone directly makes you hesitate.
Many managers fear confrontation because they worry about:
- Damaging relationships with their team
- Being seen as aggressive or unapproachable
- Handling the conversation poorly and making things worse
- Facing emotional reactions they are not sure how to navigate
Avoiding confrontation, however, does not maintain harmony.
It creates dysfunction.
Unspoken issues grow into resentment, underperformance spreads, and accountability weakens.
The best managers do not avoid difficult conversations.
They master the skill of structured confrontation, turning it into a tool for leadership, clarity, and team growth.
As Jorge Loebl explains in the Revolving Change Podcast:
“A manager who avoids confrontation isn’t keeping the peace. They are allowing dysfunction to grow. A leader who masters confrontation builds trust, fosters accountability, and ensures the team operates at its best.”
So how do managers move from dreading confrontation to using it as a leadership tool?
DISCOVER: What Stops You From Confronting When It Matters Most
1. Fear of Being Disliked
Many managers struggle with confrontation because they want to be liked.
They worry that delivering tough feedback will damage their relationships with employees.
However, avoiding difficult conversations only creates deeper problems.
“Managers often hesitate because they think, ‘If I confront someone, they won’t like me.’ But the reality is, the team loses respect when they see their manager avoiding accountability.”
Being a strong manager means prioritizing respect and clarity over momentary comfort.
Employees need a leader who sets expectations and ensures fairness.
2. Lack of Training in Confrontation
Most professionals are never taught how to handle confrontation.
Without the right skills, managers default to one of two extremes:
- Avoidance, hoping the problem resolves itself
- Aggression, delivering feedback too harshly
As Loebl puts it:
“By default, confrontation goes into the negative because most people are not trained. The person delivering it is not trained. The person receiving it is not trained. That’s why so many confrontations go wrong.”
Without a structured approach, managers end up feeling overwhelmed and uncertain, making confrontation more stressful than it needs to be.
3. Emotional Discomfort and Anxiety
Even experienced managers feel nervous before a confrontation.
The fear of conflict, emotional reactions, or saying the wrong thing makes them hesitate.
But confrontation should never be about personal attacks or emotional outbursts.
When handled correctly, it is simply a structured leadership conversation.
“Confrontation is not about conflict, it’s about clarity. It is making sure expectations and accountability are in place so the team can function properly.”
Once managers shift their mindset, they stop seeing confrontation as something to fear and start using it as a proactive leadership tool.
DESIGN: A Step-by-Step Confrontation Framework for Team Leadership
Mastering confrontation is not about being harsh or dominant.
It is about using a structured, professional approach that keeps the conversation clear, constructive, and solution-oriented.
Step 1: Set Clear Expectations Early
The best way to reduce the need for confrontations is to set clear expectations upfront.
If expectations are vague, employees are more likely to miss deadlines, misunderstand roles, or perform below standard.
“When expectations are clear, confrontation becomes a simple conversation about accountability, not a fight.”
Managers should ensure every team member fully understands:
- Their job responsibilities
- Project deadlines and performance standards
- Communication expectations
- Consequences for missing commitments
Setting these expectations in advance helps prevent future confrontations from becoming emotionally charged.
Step 2: Prepare Before the Confrontation
A poorly planned confrontation can quickly turn into an argument.
Before addressing an issue, managers should:
- Gather facts — what happened, when, how often
- Write down key points — what are the main issues to address
- Think about questions to ask — how can this be a discussion, not a lecture
Loebl emphasizes that preparation is non-negotiable:
“Don’t go into a confrontation unprepared. If it’s serious, take the time to prepare. Know your facts, structure the conversation, and set the right tone.”
Step 3: Keep the Focus on Facts, Not Emotions
When emotions take over, confrontation turns into blame and defensiveness.
The best managers stick to objective facts.
Instead of saying: “You never meet deadlines. You’re not committed to your work.” (Personal attack)
Try:
“The report was due Friday, but I received it Monday. Can we discuss what happened?” (Fact-based approach)
This keeps the conversation solution-oriented rather than personal.
Step 4: Use Open-Ended Questions
One of the best confrontation techniques is to ask questions instead of making accusations.
This allows employees to explain their perspective and find solutions together.
Examples:
- “Can we align on what the issue is first?”
- “What challenges prevented you from meeting the deadline?”
- “How do you think we can prevent this in the future?”
Loebl highlights this approach:
“If you confront me by telling me I failed, it becomes a fight. But if you ask me, ‘Can we discuss what happened?’ you create a conversation.”
Step 5: Follow Up to Reinforce Accountability
A single conversation is not enough. After a confrontation, managers should:
- Summarize the key takeaways to ensure alignment
- Check in later to see if the employee has improved
- Document agreements if necessary for performance tracking
Loebl emphasizes:
“Confrontation isn’t about punishment. It’s about correction. If the issue was serious enough to address, it’s serious enough to follow up on.”
DELIVER: How to Lead Daily With Calm, Clarity, and Authority
How to Approach Common Workplace Confrontations as a Manager
- Addressing an underperforming employee – focus on expectations and solutions, not personal shortcomings
- Confronting an employee with a bad attitude – keep it professional, focusing on how their behavior affects the team
- Pushing back against excessive workloads – advocate for your team while remaining professional
Each confrontation should follow the same structured process:
- Prepare beforehand
- Stick to facts
- Ask questions
- Agree on a solution
- Follow up
By handling confrontation consistently and constructively, managers create a culture of accountability and trust.
The Leadership Payoff: Why Mastering Confrontation Matters
When managers stop avoiding confrontation, they experience:
- Higher team accountability
- Less workplace tension from unspoken frustrations
- More respect from employees for clear leadership
- Better performance and team morale
Jorge Loebl sums it up best:
“Great managers don’t avoid confrontation. They master it. When confrontation is structured and respectful, it strengthens leadership, not weakens it.”
Your Team Needs Clearer Leadership
If you want to lead with strength instead of stress, join any of our Memberships.
You’ll get the structured tools, coaching, and guidance you need to handle confrontation professionally and build a team that thrives under clarity and accountability.