What Avoiding Confrontation is Costing Your Leadership
Confrontation. Just reading the word might make you uneasy.
It is one of those workplace experiences most people dread, yet it plays a vital role in leadership, team dynamics, and overall workplace health.
The hesitation around confrontation often comes from a fundamental misunderstanding of what it truly is.
Most professionals view confrontation as inherently negative. It is often equated with conflict, discomfort, or emotional strain.
As a result, many avoid it altogether, allowing unresolved tensions, unspoken frustrations, and unchecked behaviors to weaken team performance and accountability.
Jorge Loebl, founder of Revolving Change, points out this common misconception in the Revolving Change Podcast:
“People avoid confrontation for the wrong reason. They avoid it because it has a negative connotation and often a negative destructive outcome. Once you learn that confrontation is a tool to manage and lead, you realize that you want to seek confrontation, as long as you are in control of the process, the emotions, and the interaction itself.”
Avoiding confrontation does not eliminate problems. It only delays the inevitable.
Unaddressed issues grow into resentment, reduced productivity, and weakened leadership credibility.
A leader who cannot confront effectively will struggle to hold their team accountable, maintain clear expectations, or prevent dysfunction from spreading.
It is time to shift how we view confrontation.
Instead of treating it as a battle, we need to embrace it as a tool for clarity and problem-solving.
DISCOVER: What’s Actually Holding You Back From Effective Confrontation
The Fear of Confrontation
Confrontation is often feared because it is poorly executed.
Most professionals have never been trained on how to confront effectively, leading to two extreme responses: avoidance or aggression.
Jorge Loebl explains why most confrontations go wrong:
“By default, confrontation automatically goes into the negative end of it. That is what usually happens in the real world because people are not trained. The person implementing it is not trained, and the person receiving the confrontation is also not trained.”
Without proper training, confrontation often spirals into emotional outbursts, defensiveness, or unproductive blame-shifting.
It is either too passive, where the issue is not properly addressed, or too aggressive, where the conversation turns into a personal attack.
Confrontation vs. Conflict
One of the most damaging misconceptions about confrontation is confusing it with conflict.
“Confrontation is not conflict. Confrontation is making somebody face a situation. Conflict is fueled by emotions, whereas confrontation should be about addressing facts and solutions.”
By shifting the mindset around confrontation, leaders can stop seeing it as an attack and start using it as a structured conversation that leads to better outcomes.
DESIGN: Structure Your Confrontation Like a True Leader
1. Set Clear Expectations First
One of the biggest causes of workplace confrontation is unclear expectations.
If responsibilities, deadlines, or performance standards are vague, then frustration builds up and leads to unnecessary conflict.
Jorge Loebl highlights the importance of setting expectations:
“If I know that I have not delivered to you what you and I agreed to, then you're going to have to confront me. And it's not just telling me, ‘You're missing your goal,' or ‘You're running behind.' No, you're going to have to confront me in a way that brings accountability.”
Before any confrontation, leaders should check whether expectations were clearly communicated.
If not, then the issue may be a failure in leadership rather than an employee's shortcoming.
2. Preparation Before Confrontation
Going into a confrontation without preparation is one of the biggest mistakes leaders make.
“Preparation, preparation, preparation. Don't go into a confrontation ad hoc, between meetings, or in a rush. If it's serious, devote the time and effort to prepare for it properly.”
Before initiating a confrontation, consider:
- What are the facts of the situation? (Avoid assumptions or emotions.)
- What questions can I ask to understand the root cause?
- What outcome am I looking to achieve? (Is it behavior correction, accountability, or a course correction?)
Preparation helps leaders stay calm, focused, and effective during the conversation.
3. Keep the Focus on Facts, Not Feelings
One of the biggest mistakes in confrontation is allowing emotions to take over.
Effective confrontation is fact-driven, not personal.
Loebl reinforces this idea:
“If you confront me and say, ‘Well, I need to have a conversation with you because we have a situation that needs attention,' that sets a level playing field. But if you attack me, then it becomes a fight, not a conversation.”
Instead of:
“You’re always late and unreliable.” (Personal attack)
Try:
“We agreed on a 9 AM deadline, but I received the report at noon. Can we discuss what happened?” (Fact-based)
When confrontation remains factual, it is much easier for the other person to receive it without becoming defensive.
4. Use the Power of Questions
The best way to defuse tension in a confrontation is to ask questions rather than making statements.
Some examples of effective confrontation questions include:
- “Can we align on what the issue is first?”
- “What challenges prevented you from meeting the deadline?”
- “What steps can we take to ensure this does not happen again?”
Asking questions makes confrontation feel more like a discussion rather than an accusation.
5. Manage Your Non-Verbal Communication
Body language, tone, and facial expressions can either escalate or de-escalate a confrontation.
Jorge Loebl warns against sending the wrong signals during a confrontation:
“Your non-verbal behavior is crucial. If you're aggressive, rude, or dismissive, you turn a discussion into a fight. But if you manage your tone and posture, you can maintain control over the situation.”
Some key non-verbal tips:
- Maintain steady, calm eye contact (without being aggressive)
- Keep your tone neutral and measured
- Use open body language rather than crossing arms or tapping fingers
DELIVER: Apply Confrontation Skills That Strengthen Leadership
Step-by-Step Approach to Effective Confrontation
- Choose the Right Setting – Private conversations are best for serious confrontations.
- Start with Common Ground – Remind the other person of shared goals.
- Present the Issue Clearly – Focus on facts rather than personal attacks.
- Encourage Discussion – Allow the other person to explain their perspective.
- Agree on a Solution – End the conversation with actionable steps.
When done correctly, confrontation becomes a pathway to improvement, not a source of stress.
The Leadership Payoff: Why Confrontation Is a Power Skill
Mastering confrontation means:
- No more avoiding tough conversations
- No more team dysfunction from unspoken frustrations
- No more undermining your leadership with passive leadership
Jorge Loebl summarizes this shift in mindset perfectly:
“Once you start dealing with confrontation in a constructive way, people stop fearing it. It becomes part of how you run a business, and it stops being an emotional event.”
Confrontation is not about being harsh.
It is about leading with clarity, confidence, and accountability.
Continue the Journey
Want to apply these skills in your world? Choose the path that fits your role best:
For Mid-Level Managers (Team Leaders & People Managers):
The Ultimate Manager’s Guide to Confrontation Skills and Accountability
For Emerging Leaders & High-Potential Employees:
From Anxious to Assertive: Your Workplace Confrontation Roadmap
For Entrepreneurs & Business Owners:
From Founder Friction to Clear Communication: Your Confrontation Toolkit
Don’t Let Fear Lead Your Conversations
If you're ready to lead with clarity, confidence, and real authority, it's time to master confrontation the right way.
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